ah it has been a long time writing a post. In many ways, i thought I had lost the zeal to write but something that has been cropping on my mind for a while now.. I find blogging as a way to vent my thoughts, possibly a new pardigm for blogging instead of the usual “share your knowledge”, “get feedback from community / social network”.
Anyways, not to digress, think about this for a minute. Most of us are very good at triaging things, re-prioritizing items, choosing to neglect some while focusing on others and finishing things on schedule, at “work place related” stuff. I repeat at “work place related’ activities.
We are usually very good at doing things that impact us and things that we control really well. when I provide advice to someone at work, and the person chooses to ignore it, I cannot do much. I choose to be care about the few that I share thoughts but don’t thrust it down at all. Not because I dont care, but realize that people have their own thought process and making people do the “right” thing is subjective. Managers at work work a lot on this because they have a commitment to do this. one of my managers mentioned once “your success is your success and your failure is mine”. I would like to agree with the latter 
, jokes apart think that people have clear streamlined vested interests making them effective at work place.
The place where I struggle is when I bring the same thought process to personal relationships. I try to think deeply when a near-and-dear one is seeking advice or going through a problem. I try to look at the item, the various causes, etc. For example, assume you know someone who is not happy with their job and is seeking a position change. Then you start asking the person, why he is not happy? What makes him happy? has he looked elsewhere? has he built a resume`? has he sent it out? etc you get the point. when you here the answer ‘nay’ to most of them, then the whole commentary is rubbish to me. once you know u want something, then you have to figure out the path, have a schedule and just make it happen. or give up on the “want”. Simple, is it not? In most situations, I find that in personal relationships be it close friends, parents, brother, wife, etc this thought process does not help at all 
. I find it difficult to ignore and move-on treating it like the “buddy at work who u cannot help” because of the personal bond. It gets really mind sapping, since the mindset for most of us is ‘your problem is my problem’. when you have a family business and u “envision” the logical well thought out roadmap both for the business and the folks running it, and the model does not execute there is mental strain too.
The more I think about it, people are people be it workplace or personal relationships. IMO, everyone needs to treat things the same way and choose to include and neglect things that make sense. End of the day, each of us is one person and need to triage accordingly. This is absolutely tough to practise but a mindset that will serve us well in the long run. Like how one book quoted “you dont control all things that happen around you; however u can control your reaction to it”.
here is another pivot, doing the right thing is very subjective. Intropecting, I think that some things are “right”, maybe the vision for a small business or how ppl should work together BUT the other person thinks i am wrong. Very natural , everyone thinks that they are right. in my case, the logical streamlined arguments might be “right” but they are right for me; they absolutely dont work for the other person and probably will never work for them. I am “dumb” to think it will work for them and to assume that the others are “dumber” than me. end of the day, each person has his own wiring in the head, how they react and do things. You can help people with nudging but people wont react unless they truly believe that you are saying the right thing. Maybe people managers at work understand this facet, today i dont. all this makes it all the more reason why I need to apply the same triage bar for all personal activities similar to that of work.
So my friends when u see “dumb and dumber” scenarios, become wise and triage. I am trying to.. maybe some day there will be a book “the Monk who sold his BMW”
take it easy
